Learning to Cope

The Canadian Mental Health Association helps people who are experiencing mental illnesses. Frank, who has chronic depression, is one receiving support from the organization. Here is his story.

Illustration by Raymond Reid

I’d had the feelings for a long, long time but I didn’t hear the word dysthymia until my diagnosis in 2003. Dysthymia is a form of depression with chronic periods, so you’re OK for a while but you’re never really at your optimum level, you’re just sort of so-so. It’s characterized by low confidence, low self-esteem, seeing yourself as not fitting in, negativity and pessimism.

I feel a real sense of helplessness, that even though I have all this education and I can do well in school, I just have not been able to function on the job. I also have feelings of loneliness, not belonging, and periodic feelings of sadness. I’ve had times when things seemed to be much better, but depression always comes back.

I’ve suffered from this anxiety and chronic depression my whole life. I felt these feelings back in high school and I spoke to the school guidance counsellor. He was really nice, but I didn’t do much about the feelings. I figured it was just a personality trait, so I should cheer up and get over it. I told myself that, although I couldn’t do it. I didn’t seek any professional help or take any medication, I never considered that. I don’t think it was very common back then, in the late 1980s, to have a mental illness.

After high school, I went to college for a social science degree. It was a struggle because I didn’t feel like I fit in, but it got better and I became more involved. I met a few people and by the time it was over, I didn’t want to leave.

I graduated from college and worked as a security officer and as a legal assistant. After I was laid off from my last job in security, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. So I went and got my second degree, a bachelor of applied communications in professional writing. I thought it was going to be a route to employment, but after I graduated in 2009 the economy was awful and my confidence became very low.

I couldn’t find work. I had just graduated from my second degree and now I felt down. I searched on the Internet and applied for jobs and had interviews, but never got offered a job. I would have these periods of in-between where I had nothing to do and nowhere to go. I didn’t have any real friends, as all my friends had moved on. I was around 37 at that point and they were in careers, working steady jobs and buying houses. In September of 2010 I realized something was not working. I had to do something different.

I started seeing a therapist and I tried a day-treatment program and went to an organization to help find employment. But I was told they didn’t feel I was ready, so eventually I was recommended to the Steps to Recover (STR) program at the Canadian Mental Health Association’s (CMHA) Edmonton office. STR is part of the Moving Ahead Program (MAP).

When I started coming to CMHA, which is a United Way member agency in early December, I didn’t know what to expect. But I felt I had to do something or I wasn’t going to find work in any field. So I called and made the appointment and I met with one of the social workers and we did a brief interview. I filled out the application and they had me start about a week later. I came in and we went into a boardroom and there were about seven other people there. On the first day, we did an introduction and the mood was pretty light and people were laughing.

I’ve been going to the program twice a week and things are now much better for me. I feel this is where I should be and where I want to be. Things aren’t perfect now, but compared to six months ago, the difference is huge. I feel more confident, in control and hopeful than I have in a long time.

It wasn’t easy and meeting people is still hard for me, but the other group members are all very open. I finally forced myself to talk to them and try and make changes. I meet with the group and also do other social activities, like snowshoeing or bowling. We do things together as a group and we call each other when we’re feeling down. We support each other and enjoy each other’s company.

It’s a relief to know that I can come here on a regular basis and I can always talk to my co-ordinator. If I’m having a bad day, they’ll make time for me. I have the support of the group and that means a lot to me; it makes a huge difference. There are people here my own age that have been through similar things and the co-ordinators of the program are also experienced. I can talk to the other group members and the staff without judgment.

I think there will always be stigma attached with mental illness, but it’s getting better. You just can’t get over a mental illness on your own; you need help. It takes work and you have to want to change. It’s nothing to be ashamed of or hide; if you have a mental illness, I would encourage anyone to get help. Try a combination of things because not everything will work for every person. But keep trying until you find what works for you. I think I’ve found what works for me with a combination of staying on medication, seeing a therapist, attending the group and the social activities.

Whether you call what I have dysthymia or depression, or call it anything, I knew I needed to get some help for this so that I could reach my potential and move on. I’m a lot more positive now, since I’ve come to CMHA. I’ve got more hope. I think the staff is excellent and they’ve been very helpful and it’s a good program. I believe I’m putting myself in a position where I can finally work if I work on myself enough.

HELP AT HAND

For more information on the Canadian Mental Health Association’s resources and support for people affected by mental illness, including the Moving Ahead Program (MAP), visit www.edmonton.cmha.ca